Leading with Love

I am loving motherhood and this is a phase of life I have always dreamed about. I always saw myself as a mom and now that I can enjoy this blessing I am soaking it all in. My husband and I have three beautiful children whom we homeschool. Similar to other families our plates are quite full. As one can imagine there are countless things to take care of each day and like other families, we sometimes get overwhelmed. We are only human.

As I thought about today’s topic: Leading with Love I found myself thinking about the natural world. My thoughts drifted to the natural cycles of plants as well as the natural cycles of animals. Everything in nature seems to flow so effortlessly and I wanted to bring that into the conversation for today.

As parents, we are the leaders of our family. Our overall attitudes set the tone of our home. If we wake up and choose to live with intention, our children will follow our lead. However, if we wake up and choose to live with disregard and find ourselves in a constant state of disorganization or disorientation then our children will follow our lead there as well.

What does Leading with Love mean? For me that means leading our family in a way that allows for grace. We are a two-parent household and so I am my husband’s helpmate. He leads our family and I am blessed to be his supportive wife. We consult on decisions together and work together to raise our children. We both agree that we want our children to grow up knowing that they have a voice, that what they have to say is important and that they are an important part of our family. For me, Leading with Love means having a safe space to take chances and make mistakes. Leading with Love means pulling down the guards around our hearts so that we can be our true selves. Leading with Love is allowing a space that encourages questions and provides meaningful and engaging opportunities to learn and grow.

No matter your family structure and dynamic, you too can lead from a place of love. To do this we must first make peace with our past. We all have events and situations that were traumatizing in our youth. Unfortunately, until we process these events to allow for healing then we will struggle to lead with intention. For some that might mean seeking counsel from a professional and for others it might mean seeking help in other ways. However you feel like you need to process the trauma it will be important so that you can let go of the hurt.

What does leading with love look like? Leading with love means leading without the hurt. It means responding to the child and not the event. Our children want our attention. They want meaningful conversations; they want you to spend time laughing and talking about things that interests them. Leading with Love means making time to sit with our children. We have to make time for them to decompress and to ask questions. Leading with Love does not mean fancy game night or craft project every day. While these are lovely it does not have to be this way. We can simply just sit and listen. Put the electronics away and really look into your child’s eyes to allow them to unfold and bring down any walls they have built up around their hearts. We should be a safe space for our children where they feel like they can share how they are feeling at all times.

Leading with love means giving your child the space to say how they feel. After they have shared then you can work on fixing tone of voice and choice of words. Leading with love means mirroring empathy and understanding. It gives children a blueprint of how they should be treated and how they should treat others. It gives them a model. If we are not modeling empathy and forgiveness then they will not know what that means. Before we can expect them to go out and be good citizens in the world we first have to create an atmosphere at home of love and acceptance.

Leading with Love means showing grace. Our children must see us being imperfect, apologizing and working towards improving ourselves. They must be given the space to make mistakes and shown empathy. When they make mistakes respond with understanding and help them to develop a plan that involves improvement.

One of the biggest mindset changes I had to make as a parent is apologizing to my children. There are times when I clearly have overacted to a situation and I have yelled and in truth thrown a tantrum. Thanks to grace, I have been able to step back, take a breath and come back to my children with an apology. When this happened, it created a shift. My children felt validation and they saw that I saw them as a whole person.

As a new parent, I was under the impression that I had to be an authoritarian and my thoughts were the beginning and the end. I thought my role was to make goals, to take charge of all aspects of our lives with no flexibility and no input from anyone else. As I grow as a parent, I am learning that it does not have to be that way. Before I can lead them, I have to first love them.

Leading with love is prioritizing the connection we have with our children. It is about empowering them so that they can be their true selves. Leading with love makes space and time to get to know our children so that they can thrive in our home. We have to be their soundboard so that they can develop into the people they are destined to be.

Leading with love is being aware of my emotions and needs. When I am aware of my emotions and needs then I can respond to my children appropriately. If I am touched out or overwhelmed by life then my responses are not ideal even to the simplest things that might be happening. I have to stay tuned in to how I am feeling so that I can respond accordingly to my spouse and our children.

Leading with love involves empathy. Our children have biological needs, physical needs, as well as emotional needs. As parents, we often excel at providing for our children physically and biologically however we cannot forget to provide for them emotionally. We have all heard the analogy of "pouring from an empty cup" well, we have to fill our children’s cups too. They need to hear positive affirmations daily. It needs to be done with intention and purpose. They need to hear that they can do hard things and that they have great ideas. They need to know that they are making meaningful contributions to the running of the home. They need to know that they matter and that they are loved unconditionally. Again, they need to know that when they make mistakes it is okay to stop, think and try again. They need to know that our love and affection is not contingent on something they have to do or someone they have to be.

Finally, leading with love means being the parent you needed when you were growing up. Be that soft space for your children so that they can be vulnerable and thrive. Leading with love means being mindful, being self-aware and being empathic.

I hope you gained some inspiration today and that you enjoyed our topic Leading with Love. Let us know in the comments if this is something that speaks to you.