A Balancing Act

Today’s topic reminds me of a visit to the circus or the fair. One thing that always fascinated me was the incredible talent of juggling. Like others, I have tried at many points in life to juggle but that seems to be a skill I am unable to grasp. That being said today I would love to share with you ways to find balance in a world that can be overwhelming at a point in society when being overbooked is seen as a badge of honor. 

I am an island girl. Yes born and raised on the beautiful island of Jamaica it is almost ingrained in my DNA to “take it easy”. That being said life does not always allow for that. I have always been a driven person and I can remember from a very young age setting goals and being inspired by those around me. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to achieve what they achieved and more. I was always pushing myself academically and my parents remained a source of strength and support during the times that seemed the most difficult. Fast-forward to my college life I was no different. Academically I was motivated to do more, get involved, maintain friendships all while working to earn a living. I had set high expectations for myself and there was little to no flexibility.

As a young adult, newly married and with children on the horizon I was still driven to be my best; giving everything I have daily to ensure I was the best wife, family member, coworker, friend, and eventually mother. As life continued, I was constantly being thrown a new ball to juggle. Just when I thought I had a handle on things life would throw in another. With all the expectations I had set for myself it was hard to feel like I was making any progress. I had to find a balance. I had to find a way to “do it all” without losing it all. After much thought I was able to develop systems that worked for me and I hope that they will work for you too as we all figure out our own Balancing Acts. This is not to say that I have found the secret potion. I am still learning and growing and I have to intentionally be mindful of my actions to avoid burnout.

I find that the following tips have helped me learn and grow and I hope you can gain some inspiration to do the same in your life.

Tip One:

1. Change your mindset (positivity, honest outlooks, being your true self). The first thing we have to do is to change our mindset. We have to shift how we view ourselves in order to move forward. Now this does not mean that we must view the world through rose-colored glasses or that we see everything as perfect. Having a positive mindset for me means assessing each situation for what it is and  in spite of the present situation we can find positivity in the now.

For example: a common frustration is comparison. We all have exposure to social media in various capacities. As such, we might see others revealing parts of their lives and in our eyes they are revealing perfection. Every hair is in place, the lighting is immaculate and their homes are spotless. We might then look around our own home and take fault with what we see. My word of caution is to stay in the now. We have to remind ourselves that it is not real. We have to remind ourselves that social media is staged. We have to then stay in the normal and find something positive to say about our own lives. In that moment what are some good things you can be grateful for? Making a mental list is one way to combat the negativity and the desire to compare. Take stock of what you do have instead of what you don’t. No one is perfect and we are all working on being better people. We are all balancing more things than we should so keep that in mind to avoid spiraling downward. Being honest about our feelings and finding ways to maintain a positive outlook is one of the first steps as we move towards achieving balance in life.

2. Prioritize yourself (health, goals, dreams, etc). In order for us to be the best at what we do we have to prioritize ourselves. As a mother, I know I am often inclined to put the needs of everyone before more own several times per day. I often neglect what needs to happen for me in order to be present for my family. After doing that for too many years, I had to take a step back and evaluate how this was affecting all aspects of my life. I was willing to do and keep doing all I possibly could and that was not helping me. In fact, it was doing the opposite of what I had hoped. Because I was not prioritizing my needs I was groggy, disgruntle and becoming resentful. Thanks to grace and some time being reflective it became apparent (and what seems obvious now) is the fact that I had to take care of myself before I can take care of others.

I started paying closer attention to my health. I went back to setting goals not just for our family but goals for myself. I allowed myself to dream about what I wanted and took steps towards achieving those goals. One thing I loved doing was reading as a child. It was one of my favorite pastimes. As an adult, I was reading every day with my children but I was not reading for me. One way in which I started prioritizing myself was making time to read. It is one thing I really look forward to and I am glad I am able to get back to something I love. I realized as I started doing something for myself more and more my mood shifted and so did my outlook on life. I became more appreciative and no longer will I easily fall into practice of comparing myself to others.

3. Quality over Quantity (relationships, possessions, etc). This tip really hits home because we live in a society where more is better. We have lost sight of how to be content with what we have and so we spend a lot of time consuming. As I continue on this journey of self-actualization and growth, I am realizing that in all aspects of my life I can work towards consuming less. This concept can be applied to entertainment, food intake, and so much more. When we look at what we are consuming we should strive for quality over quantity. We should strive to build quality relationships with our family members. Spending a lot of time with the people we love is always great practice. If we are intention with that time, we will build stronger bonds. Take the time to really connect with them. We play different roles and each role is important. Our spouses need to spend quality time connecting with us, our children need to spend quality time connecting with us and in the same vein our relationships outside the home are important too so we need to spend quality time there as well.

We cannot be everything for everyone so we have to prioritize these relationships and work towards being in a space that supports peace and harmony. When we do this, we move towards creating the equilibrium we seek.

The same is true for our possessions. Getting rid of clutter in our home is one way to literally make space and to welcome the calm we seek. Evaluate the need for each thing you own. Prioritize your need to keep it. If it is something you can do without donate it or give it to someone who might have more use for it. By doing this you move towards decreasing your stress levels. I promise your quality of life with get better the less consumed you are by your possessions.

We need to prioritize our time and space and focus more on quality over quantity. Surround yourself with people who are helping you grow and change in a positive way. Spend time doing things that will stretch your thinking and get you to a place where you are manifesting the goals you have set for yourself. Start small with one small change and eventually you will see that you are doing more and actually enjoying your life instead of just existing. De-clutter your home if you need to so that you can appreciate its beauty. Build a list of things you are grateful for and when you mind starts wandering and you start the spiral of comparison reference your list and shift your mindset.

4. Utilize schedules and or digital tools (set timers, make schedules, online tools). This tip relates well to the one before. I have found that setting timers help me to stay on task and it helps my children throughout the day. We do not use it all the time and I know for some timers might be triggering but find something that helps you to stay on track. There are things I have to do all day and I will forget if I do not write it down or if I do not set an alarm. For me it is how I stay on track. Find what works for you.

Another thing that really helps me is to create a schedule or plan. Meal planning helps to take the guesswork out of what I need to do every day. At the beginning of each month, I take 10 to 15 minutes to plan out the meals for that month. Since we are home most days, I am sure to plan a breakfast, a lunch and a dinner option. By doing this I ensure I use up the groceries I have in our pantry and refrigerator before I head to the grocery stores again. Additionally I schedule my cleaning tasks as well. I do not expect or want my home to look like a museum but I find that by scheduling big cleaning tasks they are more likely to be done more consistently. Again, this keeps me accountable and helps to keep me motivated.

5. Have Fun! On the road to creating balance in your life do not forget to have fun. Life is not to be lived heavily focused on the serious elements. We have to make time to laugh and enjoy the life we are building. This also circles back to the concept of quality over quantity. We want our children to be driven to do well, we want them to achieve at a high level but we do not want them to lose their sense of individuality. We want them to be relaxed and we want them to enjoy their childhood. So prioritizing my time with them ensures that I component. I love being around my children and being with them is when I have the most fun.

6. Rest! Not much needs to be said about this one. In order to achieve more balance in our lives we need to make time to rest. This rest needs to happen for us physically but we also need to rest in other ways too. Sleep is so important to our overall well being and many of us are not sleeping enough. I am one person who often needs to sleep more. There is always a good reason why we choose not to sleep more. Evaluate your activities and lifestyle; whatever you do make time to sleep. Turn off the electronics and start to unwind so that sleep will come more easily.

Rest can also present itself as a break. Take a break from the things in life that consume most of your time. Whatever you are doing that is creating the most stress in your life take a break from it. Use the time to recharge and refocus. You are important, your voice is important and you will feel better about yourself when you have taken the time to rest. When you have done your best then rest.

Today as you reflect on the things discussed I hope you can walk away having gained some inspiration.  I hope you were encouraged by our topic: A Balancing Act. Let us know in the comments if this is something that speaks to you.